I am currently twenty-one years old. I’m a people person on most days. I'm an anthropology and environmental studies double major. I go to school in vermont. I like old books, all things breakfast candles, traveling, jigsaw puzzles, coffee, froyo, photograph, love letters bridges, yoga, and the way the sunlight filters through the trees when you're driving fast. Toe socks and Easy Listening stations are the bane of my existence. I fall in love with every solitary man I meet. I still believe in monsters. I'm in recovery from an eating disorder. More importantly, I'm currently studying abroad in Quito and the Galapagos Islands. Hello, my name’s Susannah.
Today was so utterly lovely.
The most important thing by far: I realized today that although i’m not nearly fully “recovered” I’m closer to that stage than I ever have been. I’m the best and healthiest I’ve been in about five years. I’m almost entirely behavior free. I don’t want to go into too many details but I’m just really happy about where I am right now. I was still having such a hard time with bulimia last semester, and it feels so incredible to be free of that. I still feel temptation to relapse into anorexia when I get home, but for now I just want to continue to take each day as it comes, and to keep pushing towards a day where I don’t want to hang on to my eating disorder. And I have faith that day will come. Because I at least do want to want to recover.
You look healthy.
And by that I don’t mean you look fat.
I mean your face isn’t grey any more, the circles under your eyes aren’t so dark. Your lips aren’t cracked and dry and your hair isn’t thinning and brittle. I mean you seem more focused when I talk to you, You actually look at me and listen rather than being so unable to stay still or think about anything other than your illness that your eyes dart around the room and you nod manically the whole time I’m speaking. You seem calmer, stiller, quieter. You’re easier to have a joke with and you take things on board much more than you used to.
I mean you laugh now, you’re less serious. There’s life about you, it’s in your eyes and your smile, it’s in the way you speak and even in the way you go about your daily tasks.
You look healthy. You look happy. It really, really suits you."
- (via bitingthehandthatstarvesme)
that one time i literally slept ALL DAY because i was so hungover. literally left my bed only to get lunch. my host fam definitely thinks im being weird/lazy but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. just feel guilty for sleeping so much? but also kind of don’t care ahaha